How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Randomize
