yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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