# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize