Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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