why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"