if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.