I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?