New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.