I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence