she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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