no, he came in my armpit
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
