This dress was meant to end up on your floor
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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