i barfeds in our rink
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
