6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
