i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I did not marry a roomba.
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