Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
