how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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