well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
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HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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