Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
