I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
