i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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