She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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