You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
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We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
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Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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