I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Drake has all the answers
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
