you traded sex for a burrito?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
