She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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