it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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