that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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