It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
