i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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