You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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