hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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