Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
