The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
