Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
