I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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