coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
sarcasm needs its own font
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
