I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
