Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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