the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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