Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
