ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
