So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
