the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
