This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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