Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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