we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I party with great urgency now.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
