these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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