We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
