i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
