I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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