Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
