All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
