I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
