I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
