We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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