Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
where am i from again
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
