Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
