i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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