just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
