i don't plan on having that self control this summer
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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