I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize