Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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