you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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