A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
