What a fucking waste of an outfit
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
