If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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