i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
