the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
