who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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