He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
